BMORENEWS.com

N'yinde Amaari Glover

By Doni Glover, www.bmorenews.com

(BALTIMORE - April 19, 2009) - Little girls need their fathers. Despite the relationship the father has with the child’s mother, the relationship between a father and his daughter or daughters is so critical, particularly as it relates to the black community. In every possible way, they need their daddies.

Although my relationship with my daughter’s mother is a thing of the past, I pray and strive e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y to be the best daddy the world has ever seen – not for the sake of the world – but, clearly, for the sake of my daughter. Why? It’s real simple: Daddies set the tone for what kind of man the daughter will eventually marry.

My daughter’s name is N’yinde Amaari Glover. She is the most beautiful child the world has never seen. Bless the Lord, and bless her soul. Her brother’s name is Asaan. They mean the absolute world to me. I am not the best daddy. I just strive to do my part. And, it is not always easy. Sometimes I make mistakes. And that is exactly when I look back at how my parents did it. And I conclude that they did the best that they knew how.

For parents, there is no manual. There is no how-to book that can address every situation.  You simply do the best you know how.

Let’s face it: 44% of America’s prisons are filled with black men. It wasn’t until the past few years that I realized that so many of the kids I grew up with had no father. Whether it was prison, drugs or the graveyard, the reality was that black fathers were so few and far between. 

Is there any wonder why the black family structure is fractured? Is there any wonder why so many black women today are choosing females as their significant others? I don’t think so.

Truth be told, sisters are sick and tired of us – black men. They are tired of going to court with us, they are tired of paying the bills all alone, and they are tired of our sick and lame excuses of why we are the way we are.

Sisters, I can only say that there is a lot more going on here than you might realize. This history of ours is so full of examples of dehumanization. You think we don’t love you; yet, nothing could be further from the truth. We are just hurt … just like you. America, I say, is in need of a healing.

So, rather than castigate your man as a sidebar, rather than kick him to the curb, rather than embrace what some call as the woman empowerment theme of Oprah and say that men ain’t crap, take a second and ponder all that the black man has gone through. Further, ponder what we, as a people, have endured. Remember, it is better to understand than be understood.

As for the fellas, let’s be honest. We have not been able – thus far – to break so many cycles. We have not, generally speaking, done all that we can to let our daughters know how beautiful they really are, how much potential they have within, and just what they can accomplish in this world – like a Valerie Jarrett.

Otherwise, that is why some thongs are in our faces. That is why some little girls – and women – seem to do all they can to attract a man’s attention. That is why the beauty of the black woman is so far south right now that nothing seems to surprise us anymore. Thank God for Michelle Obama.

Hurt people hurt people. Demonized people demonize people. Ill people make people ill.

As for me, this is about the healing. At www.bmorenews.com, it has always been our goal to tell the truth and lift up our people. God bless the people.

Tags: fatherhood